I feel like I've just reached a major turning point. A breakthrough of sorts.

A year and a half ago, I had my wisdom teeth out (August 18, 2005) and I feel as though the struggle recovering from that experience combined with various others has finally come to an end with this past week. January 26th started it, and all of a sudden I feel like I'm back in high school. In a good way. Like I am extraordinarily busy, but having a wonderful time, doing what I love, and wouldn't want it any other way. A week of dress rehearsals (6), recitals (2), concerts (2), and auditions (3) in addition to regular classes and rehearsals was exactly what I needed. Saturday, going to IU for the NRO audition really made me realize the complete circle I've traveled. I had been on a straight path, and then it veered to the right and backward. It's as if I have finally completed the circle., returned to the point of my departure from the straight and narrow, and now I can move on. And by completing the circle, I virtually erase all of the stress, and worry and all of the negative experiences of the last 18 months.

Not only do I feel like I am about where I left off horn playing-wise, I have the confidence I used to, the cheerfulness in my daily life, the excitement about the future, and the slightly ironic experience of just having seen again someone I hadn't seen since August 17, 2005.

Dave and I had hooked up whenever we were within an hour and a half of each other ever since an infamous night in Budapest on the PYO Europe Tour 2004, During the summer of '05, we went to several outdoor Philadelphia Orchestra concerts at the Mann Center in Fairmount Park, and would spend some quality time afterward. But the last time I saw him was when he drove an hour and a half to take me out to lunch the day before I had my wisdom teeth surgery.

Then Saturday Dave met me at the church where the NRO auditions were held and invited me to spend some time with him instead of riding back to CCM with Shoshana and Izumi like I'd planned. So we went out to lunch, went back to his place for a few hours, then drove back here at 6:30. I showed him my apartment and we had a wonderful time getting to know each other again. We were fortunate that Jimmy John's is open late... because we didn't think about dinner until 11:30! Then Dave left at 9:45 Sunday morning to get back in time for a noon rehearsal.

The whole weekend was perfect. It was the first time we'd actually spent the night together since the last night in Prague, and what a difference. It's been a long time since I'd been kissed like that. I kinda forgot how it could and should be. It's ironic, I guess, that there was so much more care and tenderness in each kiss and touch, from someone I've never actually dated, than there ever was from 2006's main event...

Wow. I felt like a light bulb had gone off somewhere when I realized the circle has been completed. It's as if for the longest time there was something in the way that prevented me from seeing that the detour I'd been following would put me back where I was supposed to be. I've just now rounded the bend and everything is laid out before me.

And like the fortune cookie that I opened right before my recital Wednesday night read,

"You are capable, competent, creative and careful. Prove it."

I'm setting out to do just that.